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Rob · (), United States · male · registered since 2007 · last online - yesterday

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311 - Crack the Code

I want the words
something you haven't heard
will I find them and
will I have what it takes to say them
in the world beside
this one there are no lies and
no suspicion
only dreams without end

You gotta feel what I mean
Look into my eyes and know
I'm trying to come clean
But I stumble every time
And then the words they escape
fail to take shape
It's all in the code now (come again)

Feel what I mean
Look into my eyes and know
I'm trying to come clean
But I stumble every time
And then the words they escape
fail to take shape
It's all in the code now

Will you let me retract let me take it back
Sometimes my words lack and my mind flies off the track
What I'm trying to convey is miles from what I say
And you slip away

In life there are times
when nothing will rhyme
there are days I slip
when I know I should climb
breakin' the vows I swore I'd never break
a harsh word a white lie easy to mistake
where have you been
haven't you noticed
there's no map that exists
to point us out of this
my heart was the target
it found your arrow
baby you know I want to be
your straight and narrow

I been trying to transmit a feeling
I been hoping you receive what I'm revealing
See the main thing is hang with me and relate
As we communicate watch out
Fenced in like a dog between houses
Balled up by the trouble my mouth gets
Wrapped up in the things that I don't know
don't you know
Hoping that you crack the code oh

The first to crack the code
(You may not think I'm ready to have your love again) oh oh
(You may not think I'm ready)
You are the first to crack my code

I want the words
something you haven't heard
will I find them and
will I have what it takes to say them

You gotta gotta feel what I mean
Look into my eyes and know
I'm trying to come clean
But I stumble every time
And then the words they escape
fail to take shape
It's all in the code now

Didn't I know I'm wrong wrong wrong when you knew
You didn't have to give me so long long long to see through
Not predictable what I will do but you know
Cause you cracked the code

Your body is a country
that you know I'll return to
craving like a family heirloom
that I am into
no baby how could I follow
everything you do
just remember when we touch
I feel so renewed

The first to understand me that would be you
It can't work if we can't be open and true
The best thing to happen to me let it be told
That would be the moment that you cracked my code oh oh

The first to crack the code
(You may not think I'm ready to have your love again) oh oh
(You may not think I'm ready)
You are the first to crack my code

May 20th, 2007 21:44

Now you all can blame all your problems on Sesame Street

Other · · 2 comments

Psychology at Sweet Briar



A DSM-IV look at Sesame Street

Melissa Bellan '00


Note: Please understand that we have the greatest love and respect for all things muppet. It is hoped that no one takes this all that seriously.

The children’s television program Sesame Street has been a staple of households worldwide for nearly thirty years. It was originally conceived as a way to bring educational programming to disadvantaged households, by making it apart of regular public broadcast television. The creators made a lovable cast of muppet characters they believed children would relate to, and learn from. Over time these characters have evolved to better fit these goals, but also have characteristics that are often overlooked. When examined from a psychological perspective, the characters of Sesame Street have many disturbing and serious disorders.

Big Bird

Big Bird is known as "The Friendliest Fowl on Sesame Street," and is described by the creators of the show as a very curious six-year old creature, who makes friends easily, and shares his nest with Radar, his teddy bear (The Children’s Television Network Interactive Site). Big Bird sees his world through rose colored glasses and likes to be a part of everything and everyone’s lives.

Big Bird has the most serious and, as leader of Sesame Street, the disorder that has actually come to be a part of the rest of the cast, crew and guests. Schizophrenia, of the undifferentiated type, is a disturbance that lasts for at least six months and includes at least one month of active-phase symptoms (DSM-IV, 273). In the case of Big Bird, his delusions and hallucinations have lasted for twenty-nine television seasons.

The essential features of Schizophrenia are a mixture of characteristic signs and symptoms (both positive and negative). A diagnosis must include two or more of the following:

Delusions (A large part of Big Bird’s affliction)
Hallucinations (The other manifestation for Big Bird)
Disorganized speech
Grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior
Negative symptoms
These signs, or symptoms, are associated with marked social or occupational dysfunction. For Big Bird the disruption in his social behavior has decreased over time with the gradual acceptance of his main hallucination by the populace of Sesame Street. The disturbance is not accounted for by other disorders, and it is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance or a general medical condition (DSM-IV, 274-285). (It is assumed by this researcher that Big Bird and the rest of the Sesame Street cast have not been partaking in illicit and hallucinatory drug use for the last twenty-nine years).

As defined in the DSM-IV, delusions are erroneous beliefs that usually involve a misinterpretation of perceptions or experiences (DSM-IV, 275). The original delusions of Big Bird centered on the idea that he/she (the gender issue will be discussed later; Big Bird will subsequently be referred to as he) thought he was being ridiculed by others for speaking to his hallucination. Hallucinations may occur in any of the five senses, but auditory hallucinations are the most common form for schizophrenia (DSM-IV, 276). For Big Bird, the hallucination has taken on characteristics of all five senses. Snuffaluphagus, thought by some to be the less dangerous imaginary friend type, is actually a schizophrenic hallucination. He did not exist outside of Big Bird’s brain for the majority of his time on Sesame Street.

Schizophrenia involves dysfunction in one or more major areas of functioning such as inter-personal relationships. Big Bird responded in this dysfunctional way when his hallucination became his best friend, and also when he could not relate to others because they insisted that they could not see Snuffaluphagus. Development may also be impaired through schizophrenia, which may explain why Big Bird has never progressed beyond his six-year-old mentality.

Perhaps the most disturbing part of Big Bird’s power over Sesame Street is that he has made Snuffaluphagus real to others. Shared Psychotic Disorder (Folie a Deux) involves the transference of a delusion (in this case a large brown creature) from one, who already has a psychotic disorder (the primary case), to others who are involved in a close relationship with the delusional person (DSM-IV, 305). Usually the primary case in Shared Psychotic Disorder is dominant in the relationship and gradually imposes the delusional system on the more passive and initially healthy second person(s). Big Bird is the undisputed ringleader of the "Street", and thus, has convinced the rest of the cast that Snuffaluphagus does indeed exist. They can now see, hear, and interact with this character that was originally only a part of Big Bird’s imagination (The Children’s Television Network Interactive Site).

Big Bird, as alluded to earlier, also has gender issues and possibly Gender Identity Disorder. There are two components that must be meet in order for a diagnosis of gender identity disorder to be made. First, there must be "evidence of a strong and persistent cross-gender identification, which is the desire to be, or the insistence that one is, of the other sex." Secondly, there must be evidence of "persistent discomfort about one’s assigned sex role or a sense of inappropriateness in the gender role of that sex" (DSM-IV, 532-533). The main problem in diagnosing Big Bird with gender identity disorder is that his/her original gender is undetermined. The Children’s Television Workshop has begun referring to Big Bird as a he for simplicity, but the original conception of the character was not gendered. Big Bird performs many acts stereotypical of both genders, which makes a reliable diagnosis impossible. If he is indeed a he, he performs female behaviors such as sitting on a nest. The conclusion here that Big Bird has some gender issues, mostly that he/she does not clearly identify with either gender, and therefore may be better described as "nonconformity to stereotypical sex role behavior" (DSM-IV, 536). The DSM-IV also points out that in schizophrenia there may be delusions of belonging to the opposite sex (DSM-IV, 537). Big Bird’s gender issues possibly stem from the schizophrenia that is controlling and altering his life.

Overall, Big Bird has the most serious and dangerous disorders of the Sesame Street characters largely because his disorders have come to effect so many others around him.

Snuffaluphagus

Beyond being a shared hallucination, Big Bird’s imaginary friend "Snuffy" has problems of his own. This figment of Big Bird’s creation is at first glance, severely depressed, but through careful examination, Snuffy’s diagnosis is more accurately Dysthymic Disorder. He is often quoted saying "Oh, dear" in a very slow and deliberate way, and his greatest dislike is listed as: "When nobody believes I exist" (The Children’s Television Network Interactive Site).

The essential feature of Dysthymic Disorder is a chronically depressed mood that occurs for most of the day, more days than not, for at least two years. During the period of depression, at least two of the following criteria must be present:

Poor appetite or overeating (look at the size of Snuffy!)
Insomnia or hypersomnia (In the beginning Snuffy had a form of narcolepsy and would fall asleep as soon as someone other than Big Bird would appear)
Low energy or fatigue (Snuffy is a slow mover and often complains about being tired)
Low self-esteem (Her self esteem has improved over the years, but still becomes concerned when others claim that she is not real)
Poor concentration or trouble making decisions (Not a characteristic for Snuffy)
Feelings of hopelessness (This was a past characteristic, but has been phased out over the years, could be considered a recovery or remission)
(DSM-IV, 349)

The associated feature of dysthymic disorder are similar to those of a major depressive episode, but those with dysthymic disorder can still carry on their everyday activities, and their symptoms are often thought of as "the way I have always been" or just "part of their personality." In Snuffy’s case, Big Bird seems to be at blame for Snuffy’s problems, since he created him.

Over the years, Snuffaluphagus has exhibited narcoleptic behavior as a manifestation of being Big Bird’s hallucinations. Originally, whenever another cast member would approach Big Bird and Snuffaluphagus, he would simply fall asleep. This conveniently explained his absence to others, but frustrated Big Bird. If another cast member claimed that they could not see Big Bird’s enormous friend, he would ask Snuffaluphagus to say something. Unfortunately, he would be so asleep that Big Bird could never get him to wake up and prove that he was real. As Snuffaluphagus slowly became apart of the other character’s belief system, his narcolepsy receded, and he no longer falls suddenly asleep in public.

Oscar the Grouch

Oscar is known for being disagreeable, and for loving rainy days and arguing. He dislikes everything, and lives by the philosophy "Leave me alone, and I'll leave you alone" (The Children’s Television Network Interactive Site).

The DSM-IV defines the essential feature of Oppositional Defiant Disorder as " a recurrent pattern of negativistic, defiant, disobedient, and hostile behavior toward authority figures that persists for at least six months" (DSM-IV, 91). Oscar the Grouch displays this sort of behavior toward authority figures, the experts and guest stars of Sesame Street, and his fellow cast-mates. Over the show’s twenty-nine years, his anger and outbursts have been tempered considerably, but The Grouch is still a grouch. The DSM-IV also outlines further characteristics of Oppositional Defiant Disorder as having at least four of the following behaviors with regular and frequent occurrence:

(1) Losing temper (the essence of Oscar),

(2) Arguing with adults (he argues with everyone),

(3) Actively defying or refusing to comply with the requests or rules of adults (Oscar generally complies with request, but only after receiving what he considers a "good reason"),

(4) Deliberately doing things that will annoy other people (The original Oscar pulled many practical jokes and still likes to push the other characters’ buttons),

(5) Blaming others for his or her own mistakes or misbehaviors (This criteria is not typical of Oscar, who is usually very willing to take credit for his misdeeds),

(6) Being touchy or easily annoyed by others (Again, an Oscar-esque description)

(7) Being angry or resentful,

Or (8) being spiteful or resentful (Like criteria 3 and 5, this is not typical of Oscar the Grouch)

(DSM-IV, 91-94 & The Children’s Television Network Interactive Site)

Further, these behaviors must occur more frequently than is typical for others of comparable age and developmental level, and must lead to significant impairment in social (Oscar’s downfall), academic, or occupational function.

A diagnosis of Operational Defiant Disorder is not made if these behaviors occur exclusively during the course of a Psychotic or Mood Disorder, or if the individual meets the criteria for Conduct Disorder or Antisocial Personality Disorder (DSM-IV 91). Fortunately Oscar does not meet the criteria for any of these disorders. Although the layman use of the term "Antisocial" has been used to describe Oscar, he does not meet correct use of the diagnostic.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder is associated with low self-esteem, mood liability, low frustration tolerance, swearing, and the precocious use of alcohol, tobacco, or illicit drugs. ADHD, Learning Disorders, and Communication Disorders also tend to be associated co-morbidities. In a significant proportion of cases, the disorder is a precursor to the more severe Conduct Disorder (DSM-IV, 92).

In conjunction with operational defiant disorder, schizoid personality disorder involves a pervasive pattern of detachment in social relationships and a restricted range of emotions in interpersonal settings (DSM-IV, 638). For Oscar, he exhibits one emotion, that of grouchiness, the majority of the time.

Individuals with schizoid personality disorder do not seem to desire intimacy, are indifferent to most social situations, have few if any close relationships, and do not appear to find satisfaction from family or social groups. Most people (or Muppets) with this disorder, like Oscar, are socially isolated, may be termed "loners," and almost always choose to live in isolation (hence the can: DSM-IV, 638 & The Sesame Street Interactive Network).

Those with schizoid personality disorder often seem indifferent to the approval or criticism of others, and do not appear to be bothered by what others think of them. This may result from the fact that they are oblivious to such criticism, and they often have trouble reading cues from others (DSM-IV, 639). Oscar somewhat differs from the classic definition of schizoid personality disorder, in that those with the disorder are often described as having particular difficulty expressing anger. Oscar's grouchiness is a form of anger, but is not, per say, pure anger.

Oscar also has a rather severe case of Agoraphobia, and has not left his house (can) for an extended period of time in 29 years. He has at times, attempted to deal with this phobia, by taking short excursions, but it is clear that he is more comfortable and prefers to be in the can at all times. Additionally Oscar has some of the characteristics of social phobia, most specifically hypersensitivity to criticism, negative evaluation, irritableness, and lack of a social support network (DSM-IV, 413).

Individuals with these disorders are more likely to develop major depressive disorder, which often co-occurs with schizotypal, paranoid, and avoidant personality disorders (DSM-IV, 639). Oscar the Grouch meets some, but not enough, of the criteria for each of these disorders. It seems unlikely that after twenty-nine years of stability within his disorders that he would now begin to develop new ones. It is probable that Oscar will keep his current "issues," continue to express them, but not develop any new ones.

The Count

The Count manifests the most obvious affliction of all the Sesame Street characters. This caped creature will count anything at any time, which sometimes tries the patients of others. He dislikes calculators and the concept of zeros, and according to his creators, "tries to maintain the perfect balance between obsession and sanity" (The Children’s Television Network Interactive Cite).

The essential feature of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (not to be confused with Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder) are recurrent obsessions or compulsions that are severe enough to be time consuming, cause marked distress or significant impairment. At some point, the person has recognized that the obsessions or compulsions are excessive (DSM-IV, 417). The Count seems to realize this each time he begins counting, his maniacal laugher is an admission, but also a dismissal of these feelings.

Obsessions are "persistent ideas, thoughts, impulses, or images that are experienced as intrusive and inappropriate and that cause marked anxiety or distress" (DSM-IV, 418). The Count’s specific obsession has not been revealed. We do not know if he counts to rid things of contamination (a common obsession), or that he doubts his own ability and therefore must continue to count everything, or if there is some other self-created reason. An individual attempts to ignore or suppress these obsessions with some sort of compulsory ritual; for The Count it is by counting everything he encounters.

Compulsions are "repetitive behaviors or mental act (counting is considered a mental act), the goal of which is to prevent or reduce anxiety or distress (DSM-IV, 419). The obsession or compulsions must be time consuming, or interfere with the individual’s normal routine. Because the counting behavior has come do define his routine, it is hard to determine if it actually interferes, or if the behavior is The Count’s routine. One deviation from the classic definition of obsessive compulsive disorder that The Count has is that he seems to get true pleasure out of the activity.

Bert

Bert, more famously of the duo Bert and Ernie, is very serious when it comes to some things, especially keeping control and order in his life. He dislikes being asked what he considers to be silly questions, and hates being bugged or having practical jokes played on him (The Children’s Television Network Interactive Site).

Bert displays the essential features of obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. This disorder is marked by a preoccupation with orderliness, perfection, mental and interpersonal control, and neatness, at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency (DSM-IV, 669). Bert is a compulsive cleaner and organizer, is dominant in his relationship with Ernie, and has very set patterns of behavior. He becomes agitated when his (and Ernie's) bedroom or bathroom's usual order is disturbed, and often becomes upset until Ernie cleans it up (The Sesame Street Interactive Network).

Individuals with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder attempt to maintain a sense of control through painstaking attention to rules, trivial details, procedures, lists, schedules, or form to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost (DSM-IV, 669). In Bert's case it is usually the fun that is lost, at least according to Ernie. He is oblivious to the fact that other people tend to become annoyed at the delays and inconveniences that result from this behavior.

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder individuals may also be excessively conscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about matters of morality, ethics, or values. They may force themselves and others (possibly Ernie) to follow rigid moral principles defined by the society, and to meet very strict standards of performance (DSM-IV, 670). This criterion, if met by Bert, would bring about Ego-like tendencies in the Freudian sense, and could also discount the much-repeated theory about an intimate relationship between Bert and Ernie.

Cookie

Cookie Monster quite obviously has an appetite for everything in sight. He prefers to be eating at all times, and his creators list his hobbies/obsession as "eating lunch, eating dinner, eating snacks, eating telephones, eating Ws, eating umbrellas, and of course, eating cookies (The Sesame Street Interactive Network).

The essential features of binge eating are recurrent episodes associated with subjective and behavioral indicators of impaired control over, and significant distress about, the binge eating and the absence of the regular use of inappropriate compensatory behaviors (such as self-induced vomiting, misuse of laxatives and other medications, fasting, and excessive exercising) that are characteristic of Bulimia Nervosa (DSM-IV, 729). Indicators include impaired control include eating very rapidly, eating until feeling uncomfortable full, and eating large amounts of food while not hungry. It is quite clear that Cookie is not eating for the purpose of nutrition. His habits, including eating foods and non-foods with no nutritional value (Telephones, umbrella, etc.), demonstrate his inability to control the binge impulses.

The diagnosis of binge eating is contingent on whether further evidence about Cookie’s disorder is learned. Thus far there is not evidence of purging or methods to remove the food from his system after he binges. However, no Sesame Street character has ever been shown using or even mentioning a bathroom, so this lack of evidence may not be telling the entire story.

These beloved characters of Sesame Street are not the fun loving teaching aids that the public is lead to believe they are. These Muppets obviously have some severe and far-reaching disorders that have changed the chemistry of the show and its cast. This trend suggests that other characters will also be found to have disorders, based on the seriousness of the disorders explored. The influence these main characters of an educational children’s program may be having on children must also be examined in future research. Sesame Street and its characters are a staple of households worldwide, but its influence may be greater than previously thought. The proper diagnosis of the characters is essential to further understanding of the phenomenon, and will lend itself to the examination of other children’s programming.

References

The American Psychological Association (Eds). (1996). Diagnostic and statistical manual, 4th ed. Washington DC: American Psychological Association.

Barlow, David H., & Durand, V. M. (1995). Abnormal psychology: An Integrative approach. Pacific Grove: Brooks/Cole Publishing Company.

The Children’s Television Network Interactive Site. http://www.ctw.org/sesamestreet. Accessed April 15, 2000.

April 22nd, 2007 23:55

A look at some of the victims killed in the Virginia Tech massacre

Other · · 1 comment

Ross Abdallah Alameddine

Alameddine, 20, of Saugus, Mass., was a sophomore who had just declared English as his major.

Friends created a memorial page on Facebook.com that described Alameddine as "an intelligent, funny, easygoing guy."

"You're such an amazing kid, Ross," wrote Zach Allen, who along with Alameddine attended Austin Preparatory School in Reading, Mass. "You always made me smile, and you always knew the right thing to do or say to cheer anyone up."

Alameddine was killed in the classroom building, according to Robert Palumbo, a family friend who answered the phone at the Alameddine residence Tuesday.

Alameddine's mother, Lynnette Alameddine said she was outraged by how victims' relatives were notified of the shooting.

"It happened in the morning and I did not hear (about her son's death) until a quarter to 11 at night," she said. "That was outrageous. Two kids died, and then they shoot a whole bunch of them, including my son."

___

Ryan Clark

Clark was called "Stack" by his friends, many of whom he met as a resident assistant at Ambler Johnson Hall, where the first shootings took place.

Clark, 22, was from Martinez, Ga., just outside Augusta. He was a fifth-year student working toward degrees in biology and English, and a member of the Marching Virginians band.

"He was just one of the greatest people you could possibly know," friend Gregory Walton, 25, said after learning from an ambulance driver that Clark was among the dead.

"He was always smiling, always laughing. I don't think I ever saw him mad in the five years I knew him."

___

Daniel Perez Cueva

Perez Cueva, 21, from Peru, was killed while in a French class, said his mother, Betty Cueva, who was reached by telephone at the youth's listed telephone number.

Perez Cuevas as a student of international relations, according to the Virginia Tech Web site.

His father, Flavio Perez, spoke of the death earlier to RPP radio in Peru. He lives in Peru and said he was trying to obtain a humanitarian visa from the U.S. consulate here. He is separated from Cueva, who said she had lived in the United States for six years.

A spokesman at the U.S. Embassy in Lima said the student's father "will receive all the attention possible when he applies" for the visa.

___

Kevin Granata

Granata, a professor of engineering science and mechanics, served in the military and later conducted orthopedic research in hospitals before coming to Virginia Tech, where he and his students researched muscle and reflex response and robotics.

The head of the school's engineering science and mechanics department called Granata one of the top five biomechanics researchers in the country working on movement dynamics in cerebral palsy.

Engineering professor Demetri P. Telionis said Granata was successful and kind.

"With so many research projects and graduate students, he still found time to spend with his family, and he coached his children in many sports and extracurricular activities," Telionis said. "He was a wonderful family man. We will all miss him dearly."

___

Caitlin Hammaren

Hammaren, 19, of Westtown, N.Y., was a sophomore majoring in international studies and French, according to officials at her former school district.

"She was just one of the most outstanding young individuals that I've had the privilege of working with in my 31 years as an educator," said John P. Latini, principal of Minisink Valley High School, where she graduated in 2005. "Caitlin was a leader among our students."

Minisink Valley students and teachers shared their grief Tuesday at a counseling center set up in the school, Latini said.

___

Emily Jane Hilscher

Hilscher, a freshman majoring in animal and poultry sciences, was known around her hometown as an animal lover.

"She worked at a veterinarian's office and cared about them her whole life," said Rappahannock County Administrator John W. McCarthy, a family friend.

Hilscher, 19, of Woodville, was a freshman majoring in animal and poultry sciences. She lived on the same dorm floor as victim Ryan Clark, McCarthy said.

A friend, Will Nachless, also 19, said Hilscher "was always very friendly. Before I even knew her, I thought she was very outgoing, friendly and helpful, and she was great in chemistry."

___

Liviu Librescu

Librescu, an Israeli engineering and math lecturer, was known for his research, but his son said he will be remembered as a hero for protecting students as the gunman tried to enter his classroom.

Librescu taught at Virginia Tech for 20 years and had an international reputation for his work in aeronautical engineering.

"His research has enabled better aircraft, superior composite materials, and more robust aerospace structures," said Ishwar K. Puri, the head of the engineering science and mechanics department.

Librescu's son, Joe, said his father's students sent e-mails detailing how the professor saved their lives by blocking the doorway of his classroom from the approaching gunman before he was fatally shot.

"My father blocked the doorway with his body and asked the students to flee," Librescu's son, Joe Librescu, said Tuesday in a telephone interview from his home outside of Tel Aviv. "Students started opening windows and jumping out."

___

G.V. Loganathan

Loganathan was born in the southern Indian city of Chennai and had been a civil and environmental engineering professor at Virginia Tech since 1982.

Loganathan, 51, won several awards for excellence in teaching, had served on the faculty senate and was an adviser to about 75 undergraduate students.

"We all feel like we have had an electric shock. We do not know what to do," his brother G.V. Palanivel told the NDTV news channel from the southern Indian state of Tamil Nadu. "He has been a driving force for all of us, the guiding force."

___

Mary Karen Read

Read was born in South Korea into an Air Force family and lived in Texas and California before settling in the northern Virginia suburb of Annandale.

Read, 19, considered a handful of colleges, including nearby George Mason University, before choosing Virginia Tech. It was a popular destination among her Annandale High School classmates, according to her aunt Karen Kuppinger.

She had yet to declare a major.

"I think she wanted to try to spread her wings," said Kuppinger, of Rochester, N.Y.

Kuppinger said her niece had struggled adjusting to Tech's sprawling 2,600-acre campus. But she had recently begun making friends and looking into a sorority.

Kuppinger said the family started calling Read as news reports surfaced.

"After three or four hours passed and she hadn't picked up her cell phone or answered her e-mail ... we did get concerned," Kuppinger said. "We honestly thought she would pop up."

(A previous version of this story referred incorrectly to Martinez, Ga., as an Atlanta suburb. It is a suburb of Augusta.)

April 17th, 2007 21:58

Episode 3....God Just Kill Me Now

Other · · 5 comments

Previously on Weird and Cheesy...whilst continuing their hunt for the notorious criminal mastermind 'Foo Mcdubberzz' our dashing duo headed into 'Spin Street' weaving and ducking their way through the various peds, pervs and tards that frequented the downtown sesspool...a clue was uncovered thanks to 'cole slaw'. A clue so cryptic only the amazing Cheesy
with her awe inspiring riddler brain was able to decypher it...

***The following is based on actual people and actual events. Some names have been changed in order to protect the identities of those involved***

Weird has left his 'cargo pant removal class' and is heading uptown to pick Cheesy up from her hair appointment. He's shitting bricks because he scraped a garbage bin on the way out of the parking lot and is praying to god that Cheesy doesn't notice the ding in the Pinto's rear drivers side door. He has cunningly removed all traces of Abba cd's from the Pinto which is sure to piss Cheesy off even more than the dinged up door...Cheesy waits out the front of the salon...

Weird: Geez Cheesy whats with the bee-hive hairdo.
Cheesy: Shut-up Weird..I'm trying out something different.
Weird: Well you look like your heads about to explode.
Cheesy: (searches the glovebox for her latest Abba purchase). Jesus fuck Weird..what have you done with it?
Weird: What are you talking about?
Cheesy: You know what I'm talking about..Abba..Where is it..Hand it over now or there will be an exploding head, but it
ain't gonna be mine..
Weird: (realising he really didn't think the Abba removal through clearly)..umm..umm..they're safe Cheesy I took them home to clean them up for you..They'll be back in place tomorrow..I promise..Put the gun away..
Cheesy: God Weird..ok..I'll put something else on...hmmmmm...lets see...ahhh...haven't heard this one for a while.

As Cheesy places Neil Diamonds Greatest Hits into the Pinto's sound system a cry of horror escaping from Weird could be heard all the way downtown...nnnnnnooooooooooo..Cheesy laughed..

Weird: So whats the plan Cheesy.
Cheesy: Well..there's a party across town tonight that I think could lead to some very interesting umm leads.
Weird: Alright party..where's it at..
Cheesy: 2 blocks from Spin Street..at Skerrified Tys joint.
Weird: You mean..'The Gecko Bar & Grill'
Cheesy: Yep..take me home first Weird..I need to change and grab a few things.
Weird: Ok.

As Cheesy changes and grabs a backpack Weird removes his jacket. He stares admiringly in the mirror at the shirt he received for graduating from the 'Sargeant Peppers Cargo-Pant Removal' School.

Weird: Holy Christ Cheesy tell me you're not wearing a knitted ninja suit.
Cheesy: Of course I am..what's it look like.
Weird: Bloody hell..
Cheesy: What..you got a problem with it?...Didn't think so...Oh I see you finally graduated Weird Congratulations..
Weird: Yeah..topped the class Cheesy.
Cheesy: Never thought you wouldn't Weird...Let's go..I'm driving..
Weird: Umm..I'll drive.
Cheesy: My car..I'm driving..
Weird: (starts to sweat)..Ok..

As Cheesy is about to enter the Pinto she notices the ding.

Cheesy: Holy Shit..Weird..did you do this?
Weird: No..what are you talking about?
Cheesy: The ding in my door?
Weird: No. Must have just happened.
Cheesy: If i find the shithead that did it I'll rip his balls off.
Weird: Umm..calm down Cheesy..it's just a car.
Cheesy: Just a car? Have you lost it?..goddam..lets just go.

As Cheesy fishtails out of her parking spot Weird hangs on for dear life AGAIN.

Weird: Cheesy stop...stop the car..quick.
Cheesy: What?
Weird: Stop the bloody car.
Cheesy: Ok Ok..why? (looks around) Oh bloody hell Weird do we have to pull into every Krispy Kreme donut drive through we pass..
Weird: Just pull in and give me $12.50.
Cheesy: Oh god..here

As our hero's pull up outside the 'Gecko Bar & Grill' a commotion is occuring outside the entrance.

Cheesy: Gee wonder what's going on.
Weird: Let's go check it out.

Out the front a crowd has gathered around. From the back of the crowd Cheesy can see high kicks leather and wool. Suddenly a hapless bar patron is flung through the air and lands in the gutter with a sickening thud.

Cheesy: Well..looks like 'Gooey' aka BarbedWire is on the door tonight.
Weird: How can you tell from here?
Cheesy: Oh I'd know those kick-ass boots and legwarmers anywhere Weird. Besides no-one does a high-kick like that except Gooey. And I think I saw the flash of a headband.
Weird: Come on lets get inside.

As Weird and Cheesy make their way to the door they spot Gooey. Slamming some hapless drunks head into the brick wall.

Gooey: Cheesy..hey love the catsuit.
Cheesy: Gooey..love the leotard.
Gooey: Yeah thanks..a friend made it for me...is it hawt or what.
Cheesy: Hotter than the Sahara Gooey..I love it.
Weird: Hey there Gooey. Smashing heads so early in the evening.
Gooey: The dumbass fucker touched my headband Weird..No-one touches Gooeys headband.
Weird: Right..I'll have to remember that.
Gooey: You better..go inside guys and have fun.

As Weird and Cheesy enter an ambualance can be heard racing to the bar to pick up the latest victims of our leotard-clad-legwarmer wearing bouncer-with legs of steel..Gooey.

Weird: Well here we are..what's first.
Cheesy: Well..we should probably start looking for Skerrified Ty..She won't be hard to find.
Weird: Is that her over there.
Cheesy: Yep..lets go...hows my hair holding up?
Weird: It's fine...looks like it'd survive an atomic blast..don't worry about it.

As our crime crusaders enter the inner sanctum of the "Gecko Bar & Grill' they come across Skerrified Ty and her right hand man Pandr. Skerrified is seated in her usual position on the sofa..chainsmoking and cursing her dial-up. Her one channel tv is playing repeats of "All my Children".

Skerrified: Well well look who it is..looks who has graced us with their porky presence. WOOT WOOT
Cheesy: It's been a while Skerrified..you look good...I think you know why we're here.
Skerrified: Yeah..'Foo McDubberzz' is my guess..you want info..huh huh huh...do ya do ya..info's what you want? WOOT
Weird: Uh Cheesy can I have a word.
Cheesy: Stay there Skerrified.
Skerrified: Stay..of course I'm bloody staying..Been impailed on this lounge for 5 days..Where else am i gonna go? WOOT
Weird: Ok..I'm not sure but I think she's sitting on something.
Cheesy: Yeah me too..but I really don't think we'd want to know what it was. Lets just find out what we need.
Skerrified: Well..you got the stuff? WOOT WOOT WOOT
Weird: Stuff? Cheesy what's she talking about? You're not making shifty deals again are ya?
Cheesy: Of course I am Weird? Skerrified the backpacks next to the lounge..you can count it it's all there.
Skerrified: Pandr..count the goods..check it out..If there's one thing my momma taught me it's never trust a pig with a beehive. WOOT WOOT WOOT
Pandr: It's all there boss.. 382 kit-kats. I'll take em out back.
Skerrified: Ok..I can't tell you much but I can point you towards someone who can.. WOOT WOOT
Weird: Who would that be?
Skerrified: Omo..find-omo and you might get some answers. WOOT
Weird: Who is Omo and where is she?
Cheesy: Christ Weird..Omo is the towns 'token hooker with a heart of gold' she's almost world-wide surely you've heard of her. She was brought into the station for last week for dealing fooo.
Weird: Foo? as in McDubberzz?
Cheesy: Not Foo, Fooo. You know as in the addictive drug sweeping the nation.
Weird: Oh Fooo..yeah i tried fooo once..but I won't tell you what I had to do to get my hands on it.
Cheesy: Hmm..I have a feeling I wouldn't want to know.

As Weird and Cheesy make there way through the bar they see a hammock swaying slowly under a red light. Suddenly a body clad in bubblewrap falls to the floor..It's Omo.

Cheesy: Ok Weird..be cautious..Omo is known for hurling nutsacks without warning..and she can be a bit slippery..so tread with caution.
Weird: Ok..Hi Omo isn't it.
Omo: That's right honey..what can I do you for..Nutsack? some kind of gasm?
Weird: Umm..mabye later..just after some information on 'Foo McDubberzz'
Omo: Ah the legendary Foo...not sure I can tell you much...but I can send you to someone who might be able to help.
Cheesy: Who would that be?
Omo: Metallic Splutter..you know her?
Weird: Ohhh yeah..exotic pole-dancing extraordinair...spent 2 years in the big house for koala smuggling.
Omo: Well she's out of the koala smuggling game but she'll never give up the pole..She's around somewhere..go find her and you might get your answers..Here ya go...take a few nutsacks for later..Now beat it I got customers to see.

As Weird and Cheesy search the bowels of the bar for Metallic Splutter they run into Wally and Frass. Wally was well known around town, you couldn't miss her really. She was always accompanied by a menangerie of farm and zoo animals. And tonight was no exception. Seated at the table with Wally and her dashing english gentleman friend Frass was the wildest assortment of animals you could imagine.

Wally: Weird and Cheesy..well well what brings you here.
Frass: Wally..I say Wally.. has the pumpkin soup arrived as yet.
Wally: No Frass..just keep eating the beans..I'm sure It'll be here soon.
Frass: Oh. Ok. Jolly good show old chap.
Weird: I gotta hand it ya Wally..the monkey, kangaroo and tasmanian devil wouldn't have been that hard to get in, but you're the only broad I know who could smuggle an elephant into a bar.
Wally: It's all in the style Weird..Put a silver spandex versace original on anyone or anything and they'll get into anywhere.
Cheesy: mmmm..spandex..got any spares Wally..cause it's doing great stuff for that elephant.
Wally: Not on me I haven't..I'm sure we can work something out but. I've got a friend who knits knock-offs. I'll have a word to her for ya..make a deal hey..nudge nudge.
Cheesy: Sounds good..have a good night.

Towards the back of the bar whoops and cheers could be heard. As Weird and Cheesy made their way down they could see the metallic gleaming site of metallic splutters pole. She was slipping and sliding up and down that pole like nobodys business. Everynow and then she'd leap from the top and tackle some poor unsuspecting patron. If they were lucky she might bite or lick them but that was it. She had a deal with Omo..Splutter started them up.. Omo finished them off.

Weird: Nice moves Splutter...You sure haven't lost any of your pizazz even after the 2 years away.
Splutter: Well you know..once you got you got and I have got it
Cheesy: Hi. I'm Cheesy. That was quiet a display.
Splutter: Thanks...Nice ninja suit...shame about the fucked up hair-do.
Weird: Thank god..that's what I've been telling her.
Cheesy: Jesus Christ..look Splutter we want info on Foo Mcdubberzz..what have you got for us?
Splutter: Nothing.
Cheesy: Bull-fucking-shit..now unless you want that pole to be put where the sun don't shine you better start talkin.
Splutter: Ok Ok..all I know is that she's been spending some time downtown at a mutual aquaintances place. She's in and out all the time, real sporadic. You gotta be lucky to catch her.
Cheesy: Here right the address down on this...
Splutter: Ok..can I go now?
Cheesy: Yeah..get back on your pole.
Weird: Geez.. you were a bit rude there Cheesy.
Cheesy: She insulted the hair-do Weird..She's lucky that poles still standing.
Weird: Ok calm down..whats the address..
Cheesy: 58 Pantyparty Lane in Chatsville.
Weird: Ok..I know where that is..there's an all you can eat mexican restaurant down the street from there..We'll eat and then go check it out.
Cheesy: Bloody hell..you and food.
Weird: Leave it alone Cheesy...come on.

As Weird and Cheesy head for the bars front doors they hear their names being called.

Pandr: Cheesy wait. Weird wait.
Cheesy: What is it.
Pandr: Come back.
Weird: What do you want.
Pandr: Stop. I have to tell you something.
Cheesy: What?
Pandr: It's important..don't go.
Weird: Come on Cheesy..can't believe we fell for that one.
Cheesy: Me either Weird. Lets go.
Pandr: (chuckles as he heads back inside).

Next week..
Will our villain 'Foo McDubberzz' be at the address when our hero's arrive?
Will Cheesy's beehive survive the night out?

Stay tuned....

April 17th, 2007 06:54

The adventures of Weird and Cheesy Episode 1 The Hunt for Foo

Other · · 3 comments

Weird & Cheesy are on the trail of a killer. A killer so diabolical and cunning that she has managed to evade capture for 9 months. That killer is 'Foo McDubberzz'. Foo has left a trail of devistation and rotting corpses from one end of the city to the other. Her fiendish and inhumane methods of capturing, torturing and murdering her victims sends a chill through the body of even the most hardened officer. With nowhere else to turn and no clue as to her whereabouts, the Chicago police departments calls in there secret weapon. dada. Weird & Cheesy.

Weird: So...what's the story here.
Officer: Read the above paragraph.
Weird: Oh..ok then..Ahhh Foo McDubberzz..yeah she's a sneaky one. I hear she keeps her victims in the fridge until she's
ready to dispose of them.
Officer: They found the last one under a pile of ironed lettuce leaves...poor sucker.
Cheesy: Maybe he messed with the slaw.
Weird: God Cheesy..you've got slaw on the brain.
Cheesy: (Adjusts her farrah flick)..Come on Weird lets get going...I've got a hairdressers appointment at 5.15pm and if I'm
late heads will roll. The Pinto's down the street. I'm driving.
Weird: Nice car Cheesy
Cheesy: Thanks Weird..Was digging around in my dairy compartment and there it was.
Weird: What kinda mileage you get from this baby.
Cheesy: Well I filled it up with 3 scrambled eggs on Tuesday and the tanks still half full.
Weird: mmmmmm....eggs
Cheesy: God Weird...don't you ever stop.
Weird: Quit quabbling Cheesy and drive.
Cheesy: Ooooh...I love this song. ~my my..at Waterloo napoleon did surrender~
Weird: Shit Cheesy...not bloody Abba again.

As Weird & Cheesy cruise the back streets in the pimped out Pinto Weird notices a shady looking character in the shadows of the old 'knitters paradise warehouse'. She spots the Pinto and looks away. Weird doesn't see her face but he can't take his eyes of her butt which is encased in a kick-ass pair of cargo pants. As Cheesy runs another stop sign Weird hangs on for dear life momentarily forgetting the shady cargo pant wearing character.

Cheesy: I think I know someone who might somehow know something about someone.
Weird: Christ Cheesy...stop talking like the riddler would ya.
Cheesy: Radio in Weird..tell em we're heading down to Spin Street.
Weird: Spin Street...God Cheesy...that place is full of idiots.
Cheesy: Just do it.
Weird: Doing it.

Over on the other side of town. Foo is stalking her next victim. Robbie, or Throbbie as he was known around town had it all. The looks, the humour, the smarts and 7 all you can eat restaurants within a 5 minute walk of his apartment. Foo watched him through the windows of the 'Thai to Die' restuarant. He was on his 9th curry meal and showed no signs of slowing down. Foo pulled out her sudoku puzzle book and waited, she had all the time in the world.

Next week....
Will Weird ever convince Cheesy to ditch the Abba tapes...
Will Cheesy make her hair appointment....
Will Robbie make it to 12 curry meals and break his personal record....
Will Foo run out of sudoku's before Robbie finishes eating....

Tune in to find out.

April 13th, 2007 21:16

Amen Brotha!!

Other · · 1 comment

"Then I explain to him how naive we were, that the world knew and remained silent. And that is why I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffereing and humiliation. We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Sometimes we must interfere. When human lives are endangered, when human dignity is in jeopardy, national borders and sensitivities become irrelevant. Wherever men and women are persecuted because of their race, religion, or political views, that place must-at that moment-become the center of the universe." - Elie Wiesel (Nobel acceptance speech, Dec, 10, 1986)

April 9th, 2007 21:00

April 7th, 2007

Other · · 1 comment

Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees

A green plastic watering can
For a fake chinese rubber plant
In the fake plastic earth

That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plans
To get rid of itself

It wears her out, it wears her out
It wears her out, it wears her out

She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns

He used to do surgery
On girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins

And it wears him out, it wears him out
It wears him out, it wears him out

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love

But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run

And it wears me out, it wears me out
It wears me out, it wears me out

And if I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted
All the time, all the time

April 8th, 2007 00:35
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