Hislittlegirl1986     Design

· female · registered for 4 months · last online - 4 days ago

Life Can Be Challenging, But I'm Up To The Challenge

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I've not written in my "real" blog in a long time and plan to soon and from then on blog there at least one time a week. I call that my real blog because so many important events have been written about there even though there's so many stretches where nothing is written and not everything that I'd like to have blogged about is written down. Maybe I'll go back and write about them and how they felt then and how I feel now about them.

Friday the 25th is my 30th birthday. Given that I was so very sick with seizures for the last 4 months of being 17 and the first 2 1/2 ish months of being 18 and on top of illness I suffered dozens of rapes and beatings at the hand of my ex fiance; which started on my 18th birthday some times it amazes me I survived my 18th year. Yet here I am 12 years later. I still have seizures, but I've had those and other disabilities my whole life. I've again experienced rape, only about 2 1/2 years ago. I'm still here, despite more and more seizures, despite more violence against me, despite 2 mental health conditions that can have devastating effects I'm still here. The l PTSD diagnosis bipolar disorder diagnosis were 9 years ago. The PTSD I'd known for a few years about( rape and other domestic violence means PTSD is a likely outcome)
the bipolar I was a bit more surprised by but once I explained my emotions over the years it was clear to the diagnosing professional I'd been having symptoms since puberty if not before, and looking back it seems so clear to me that I'd had depressed and manic cycles back then and even before. Getting diagnosed was scary, but it's made my life better. I take medications and have gone to therapy and those help a lot. I dislike being told"I'm sorry" when someone finds out about my handicaps. That sentiment implies my life is somehow less wonderful than a non disabled person's and that the person pities me for it. I do not want or need pity. I do enjoy people who are interested in learning about my disabilities from a stand point that is not pity. I don't like to be told I'm inspirational for simply living life. There's nothing inspirational about a person living life. If you don't think the average person is inspiration for something then don't say it of me. If I truly do something someone would see as inspirational had a non disabled person done it then that is ok. I'm just a person like any other person. All people have challenges n life of some kind at some point. Mine just happen to be disabilities.

November 21st, 2016 00:44
1 comment

I'm glad you made it through all that strong and writing well. Very interesting read. Will look for more.

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