Man, my fucking back really fucking hurts.
It's my lower back that hurts tonight.
But fuck that.
Did I tell you that I shaved my head?
Did I tell you that I got a giant dragon tattoo on my back?
Did I tell you that I just ate two peanut butter sandos at three in the morning?
What is it about me and three in the morning.
It's like I don't start feeling awake until three in the morning.
And more importantly, why do I find actress Jane Adams so incredibly sexy?

Jane Adams, the actress that I find incredibly sexy, and maybe I should write her a fan letter and tell her my true feelings, or better yet, maybe I should write some fan fiction where Jane Adams and I are stranded alone together on some desert island where our lives alone together are like the plot of an FX sitcom, where we can say shit once an episode and have fleeting blurred glimpses of my ass, and on and on and on and on and on, then suddenly ... I wake up in a cold sweat, my wife by my side, a wife that looks nothing like Jane Adams, and then I really honestly wake up for real listening to some song by Steve Earle, or Sheryl Crow, or They Might Be Giants, or the Pogues, or the Ditty Bops, or Jenny Lewis, or the Old 97s.
The end, while I am still ahead.
And how did I get tangled up in all these wires?