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Jennifer Ann · , · female · 36 years old · registered for 11 months · last online - today

September 24th, 2016

Other · · 7 comments

*glances at you*

Hm.

Alcohol makes me happy. It helps me sleep (more) soundly. It makes me forget about (mostly) my job. My perceived (at least I can pretend) shortcomings. My messy (not really) and (oh it's a buzz kill) chaotic life. So I drink a few bottles of cider in a very short period, watch criminal minds, because shoot - at least I'm not dealing with that level of mess. And then when I start to smile and giggle again, I know I can go to sleep. Still, I wake worrying about things I have not done for work, my kid not doing so great in school, etc.

This is a cycle that I need to stop.

They tell me that if I do not take time for myself I will burn out quickly. I have so much to do. An assignment due tomorrow that I did not even look at until this morning. An exam next week, perhaps the following where 7 chapters of a text book need to be read, I've read 0. A second exam of similar magnitude - I've read *part* of the first chapter. No, don't worry, I won't waste much time here....because I have too much to do. Responsibilities. I know. Do it. Do it. Keep going.

You'll have to start telling me to do that with more and more volume because I am quickly sinking - in sand, in water, in a void of loneliness and stress. I have only heard a friendly voice from another adult outside of a professional or academic setting (or being yelled at by my sister) once....I think all week? Thank goodness for pup talk. I don't know. Last week I did see my girl-friend. I think it was last week...if so that was really a long week. :\ I've also noticed that a few people ...I mean in my real life... I have not heard of simply because I stopped initiating conversations. That isn't fair though, is it? Hm....to have an entire friendship based on you contacting the other person - or relationship at that point, because a friendship would go both ways. Is it me, or are people in general just....lazy? Hahaha. Maybe they just didn't want ....ugh. I'll save that self-criticism and doubt for another time.

Regardless...I need to go work on school work. I hope you are well.

Latest change: September 24th, 2016 14:38
on

no matter what, it's totally understood
we have to struggle now and then for standing steady, even in intoxication..

on

Vices unite. Just maintain functionality.

on

I have no good news for you. I turned 51 last Sunday and I can assure you that the stress and responsibilities only grow! I am sorry to tell you this. I congratulate you on knowing that stress and responsibility is pressing hard on you. It shows me that you are an adult who cares about others more than yourself. Taking time away does not take our life problems away, it only extends them, life is not a credit card to pay off in time. Re-arrange your thought process, your schedule, and work load if possible. Lastly. Friends who only reach out to you are not friends! It does go both ways. My dad told me in the early seventies, "Son, if you can go through life and count your friends on one hand, you are a lucky man." He was right! You are in my thoughts and prayers Jen, stay strong.

on

try to be gentle to yourself when there ain't much to support you
try to think yourself the best if you haven't heard this for a while
we ain't suppermen nor supperwomen who have got the capicities from the birth
we try our best. we haven't given up yet. this is what makes us stronger..
i can see how the Muscles of our nerve getting thicker and thicker...

on

Jenny Jenny Jenny

on

Hm?

on

I'd had a "couple" of glasses of wine when you said hello. Pity it wasn't a little earlier, we might have had an interesting conversation. No matter there will always be another time :umarm2:

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