First day in many years where I fell to sleep after the alarm went off and got out of bed late. I'm exhausted. Long day and night at work yesterday. Running 30 mins late so with Jacksonville traffic it'll be at least an hour late. Humbug. Incredibly busy day as well. We're talking having to step out of one appointment to make another appointment, busy.
Sometimes, in child welfare, it's as though you lose such a big chunk of confidence in other individuals (and it's often so many simultaneously and This being regularly experienced) that you hold your breath. You hold it and your chest gets tight. Your lungs burn. Your heartbeat increases and you wait for someone to restore a small piece of that. Then resume small, shallow breaths.
This happens in the short term and long. Sometimes I make it through the day perfectly fine. Other days I get to my car and cry, spending the second half of the drive trying to collect myself so that my own child who also just had a 13 hour day doesn't notice. The kid always does. I fail miserably in this way. And then there are the occasions you sit at your desk, trying to sniffle as quietly as possible while your coworkers respectfully pretend that they do not hear, because they've been there. They are there. And they are approaching the very same destination.
Last night was the first time I actually believed myself to be in physical danger. Tomorrow or next week I have to go to such s potentially dangerous home, that I was advised by my supervisor to have a police officer escort me. This is what a social worker does. We do it for very little financial reimbursement. However, to help that one family or kid in the mix...the few that want change and succeed, that's what it is for. That is why someone who chooses this field as a career, not just to fulfill required hours or this or that-are heroes.
Not me, of course. I'm just the average run of the mill-getting my masters and experience and moving into a bigger office kinda folk. ;)