Hi Miss Alice
With your glass eyes
What kind of dream
Can you see?
Are you fascinated with?

Stilll
My heart tears
And drifts
Stuck in the patched crevices
Are memories

Hi Miss Alice
With that fruitful lips
To whom does love
Is cast away?
Is lamented?

Already
I spin my words
Feverish tongue
Has turned cold
The song to love
Can't be sung either

Still you do not answer

sorry I didn't write a entry sooner! I went to the doctor last friday, Just for a pap and check up since the last leep. I am still waiting for results, but I am thinking that no news is good news. we will see, or the lab is backed up. It's been a week and a day, so I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that everything is cleared up, and everything is normal. My doctor said that everything looks ok, but the truth lies in the results! Now i'm just nervous waiting, and i hate that about lab work!

I am off to have another ultrasound tomorrow so the doctor and get a recent picture before my next surgery. I am also off to Spring break tomorrow a few days at our friends cattle ranch. I am really excited relaxation no phones, tv, or doctors yeah! I will try and post how the ultrasound went before I leave. I am sure I won't find out anything new tomorrow. If I don't post have a great week everyone. Post when I get back.

The Sun is Shining, It’s warm out, there’s a slight cool breeze, and I just noticed flowers popping up around the garden! I just love them! I had to take pictures of them, so went around my yard with the laptop. :) There aren't many, but they made me smile, knowing that spring is in the air! :)
I hope everyone is having a beautiful day, enjoying the weather on your side of the world. :) With all the rain we are going to be getting over the weekend, it is nice to see the sky so blue. :)

A while ago, I noticed I was slurring my words. One side of my face began to droop. I finally ended up in the emergency room for a brain scan. When I was being wheeled back into the ER, I caught the eye of the doctor, and I knew. I'd seen that look once before.

Four years ago, I came to after a routine colonoscopy to see my doctor's face, and I knew then, too. Cancer. So, I had surgery and had been clean for four years.

Sure enough, there was a mass in my brain. A brain tumor, I pushed my doctor for the worst-case scenario, so he gave it to me. Six months.

Funny the things you think about. I'd been meaning to get my eyes checked. Should I still bother?

But what's truly amazing is that you can get through something you were certain you couldn't get through. Within a week, they operated to remove the brain tumor. The next morning, I was up and walking around. Truly a miracle.

Granted, I had a line of staples down the side of my head, and unfamiliar sunken cheeks but that tumor is gone. If it had been Halloween, I would've won a prize. But my friends and family were kind enough to lie to me, saying the staples weren't all that noticeable.

All those times when I was covering the deaths of other people, I always looked for the lessons that I felt were there, but that I was somehow missing. Now I realize I was looking for the wrong thing.

fade: I just ran over a racoon with a security vehicle. made his eye pop out. didn't feel sorry for it at all.
toki_wartooth: It's hard for me not to feel bad if i ran over something :(
fade: I just imagine that he cheated on his racoon wife, and never paid child support to his racoon kids after the divorce.
toki_wartooth: bastard.... i'm glad you ran over him.
fade: see it's not that hard now is it?

I wanted to tell her how sorry I was for her and her family, but I know how much she hates it when people pity her. I feel privileged that she told me something so personal. I could tell that it killed her just to tell me the little bit that she did. So, now I’m wondering what I can do to help…if anything can be done at all. She’s just as independent as I am and has an even wider stubborn streak, but she knows just as much as I do that hiding everything behind a cold facade can be just as damaging as breaking down in tears. I wanted to tell her that she doesn’t always have to be so brave, but that would have been considered pity in her eyes and she wouldn’t like that. It’s hard, you know, to keep such a secret no matter how much everyone begs and questions. At the same time, I’m glad she told me and not that ungrateful, pompous, arrogant little…oh, there aren’t words foul enough to describe that… portly pig. But I figure that secrets aren’t safe with the pig anyway…I discovered that at the party that night when I let myself cry on their shoulder while they gave me a long-winded, unnecessary explanation of nothing. I don’t want to become a pig like them. I don’t ever want to sink as low as that. And, thankfully, I haven’t and I hope that someone will tell me if I ever do. The thing that separates me from them is that I have friends that I depend on, just as they depend on me. I can go to them for advice and they’ll confide their problems in me; most of the time they appreciate my advice as well. But as she told me why she hadn’t been at school that week…

banana_pants: I got rid of teh plushy octopus my girlfriend gave me. she's gonna be pissed
toki_wartooth: too girly or something? I mean most stuffed animals are. thats why you don't give them to boys.
banana_pants: its an octopus, it's giving me nigthmares cause every morning i have to wake up to be stared by those evil glass eyes
toki_wartooth: maybe if you don't say anything she won't notice it's missing
banana_pants: I swear to fucking god it wants to tentical rape me!
toki_wartooth: yeah....
toki_wartooth: work on you're excuses for when she askes about it.

becca*boo: http://www.bidz.com/
becca*boo: check it out I've won like 37 auctions on jewelry and handbags
toki_wartooth: real jewelry?
becca*boo: yes everything is real expensive and the auctions all start at one dollar if it goes over 50 i pull out
toki_wartooth: they do have some really nice stuff.....
becca*boo: you win get your shit in the mail and then sell it for the original price and boom you never have to work as long as you keep it up.
toki_wartooth: holy shit diamond earrings over platinum last bid was $27.00!
becca*boo: whats the retail price?
toki_wartooth: 179.00
becca*boo: what page is it on?
toki_wartooth: idk how do i check the page?
becca*boo: scroll you stupid!
becca*boo: send me a link!
toki_wartooth: i think its page 2
toki_wartooth: um i can't click back it expired on me :o
becca*boo: *face palms*
toki_wartooth: you still got an hour till the auction closes....
toki_wartooth: I'll find it for you... :[
toki_wartooth: there's lots of jewelry to chose from...
becca*boo: shhh I'm bidding
toki_wartooth: i hope you win
becca*boo: shhh!
toki_wartooth: okay okay! jewelry junkie