Being a cook and at times, a fast food cook (god...that was Hell...)I have an inner knowledge of the goings on in the back. I eat there, but....always with a little trepidation. I also like to assign them my own "Special" names. So, here is my list of most to least....and what you shouldn't really know about....
1.) Farting Pancake House. These lead ball wonders come with long whistle blasts and lots of stops along the way.
2.)McDirtbowl. It's exactly the same in China as in Dallas, TX, that burger patty still looks the same after laying on a floor for ten minutes. One's made of rice and rat meat and the other is from cows. I ain't saying which country gets which.
3.)BoogerFling. This odious offender is manned by 16 year old kids still in high school. Remember the boogers you stuck to the frozen school bus windows back in tenth grade trying to gross out the girl across the aisle?
4.)Pizza Slut. This pie will ply. Pounds, that is. Right straight to the butt. Remember that really big lady you saw at Wal-Mart in the handicapped scooter? She eats there.
5.)Farto Johns. These Mexican delights will rip off the backs of Fruit of the Looms. Ask for the spicy sauce. And no, pouring lemon juice on your butt hole will not put out the fire.
6.)Hardeeharhar's This monster burger should have speed bumps on it. It's going to lay in your stomach like you ate a mile of asphalt.
7.)Windy's. It's square. Hamburgers are not square. That's your first clue. Of course, this company attracts a good many faithful pedophiles who collect the cups. Maybe it's the braids?
8.)Barfulbee's. This up-scale rip-off sports bar-cum-restaurant is where you can go outside, smoke two joints, a half a pack of Marlboro's and still be back before your dinner arrives. Prepared to be ignored, jostled (they cram them in)and made to pay for the privilege.
9.)Dontchaknow's Pizza. Don't ask what's on it. It won't be there by the time you get it home. It will have crawled away and died.