Now you might think it's funny but, I have no ass. No protruding hip bones....and a bit of a belly (Yeah...maybe a bit more than "bit"). Stocky.....husky.....you get it. So, the gals like my skinny cowboy ass. I can't help that. The trouble is, no matter what brand of jeans I buy, they all slide down my butt. Funny, right? Well, not so. It was driving me insane having to stop every five steps and do the double yank (first one side then the other). I've clobbered people with misguided elbows. Midgets avoid me (OK...so maybe that's a good thing....). I look like some sort of walking ganglely pants yanking wind-up puppet that someone wound up too tight. Not to mention the swearing....."G.D. Pants!!!" And it's either that or I feel like I put on a pair of pants that last saw duty on some gang-banger's ass down in the hood. My ass cheeks were showing.
"Why don't you buy some suspenders?" Do they even make those still? Hmmmmm....why not? I already live in Farmhell I might as well dress the part, right? What's next? Bib overalls? Christ, I'll get a straw hat and a banjo.
"No, silly....executives wear them. They go with a suit and tie. You'll see." So the wife has me roll her over to the men's belts. Holy cow....these are snazzy. (slap!)(slap!) And.....what? My pants don't fall down. Now all I need is a peace sign pin on one side and the marijuana leaf button on the other. Woo woo....!!!