I will warn you, the reader, that what I want to write about tonight is raw and bloody right now. It WILL get into my very personal life so, if you're not ready for that, skip this one. The wife and I are fighting tonight. Well, she's gone to bed and I'm out here on the computer. It all started when the nurse called and put the wife into a panic telling her that it was VERY important to have some tests done before they can proceed with the angioplasty operation. She's anemic for some reason and they'll stick tubes up one hole and down the other to find out where the blood is going. Then there's the heart problems themselves. And the foot, which is doing well for the moment according to the doctor today. Yes, that can be pretty overwhelming for someone like Donna. She is a very emotional creature. She's scared she will die soon. Well, instead of giving her a hug and comfort her, I got pissed off and felt it's time for some tough love. She needs to wake up and realize that her indulgences and impulsive nature has gotten her into trouble and it's time to change things and get pro-active about her health. Even if she's confined to a chair, there is still exercises she do if nothing more than waving her arms and lifting her legs for as many repetitions as she can stand. Anything but sitting there crying about your heart problems and feeling sorry for yourself. I'm a husband, not her mother. Of course, that gets thrown into the mix, as well. She starts in about how she wants her mother who's been dead for five years now. Well, I love her dearly and chose to be with her the rest of my life but, I'm a husband not a mother. To me, we all die someday. The only thing we can hope for in life is to look back on our lives in that last moment of time and think "At least the end of my life ended well." To have someone who will weep over your grave and friends that will miss you and remember you fondly. Death does not scare me in the least. Being forgotten does. Anyway, the point is, I'm not giving out hugs today. It's time for a reality check. Crying that you're going to die is senseless and a waste of emotion and time. We do not choose our moment of deport. God does. So stop worrying about it and focus on the current problems and get tough with it.
And then there's the old stand-by attack when she doesn't want to face the truths presented; she works, I don't. It's "her" car, "her" house.."her money".......you get the idea. Well, I didn't sign up for the money, honey. Actually, I'm quite capable and mature enough to go out and live on my own any time I choose. Instead, as I said, I "Choose" to stay with Donna. Her ex-husband didn't do that. He cheated on her. To me, any man who chooses to cheat on his wife is a bastard in the first place and has no honor, respect for himself or anyone else. If I chose to leave it wouldn't be because of someone else. But, if I did leave it would be because the marriage I thought I signed up for has become nothing more than a sham and there is no love felt anymore. Please note, I have NOT packed my bags. And as for not working? I think taking care of this house and the animals is pretty much a full-time job and I'm still trying to figure out how and when I could find time to even go work a part-time job. And let's not forget taking care of a sick wife. I don't think she could handle what I do every day around here. So, honey....stop your crying. Let's just deal with this problem rationally and calmly. I'm not yelling....I'm using my tough love voice. Maybe it's time you listened.