Oh yes, you know what time it is now.... Time to examine that favorite subject again...Pooping. We all do it, and it must feel good or we'd all be a bunch of bloated and irritable people. OK, so maybe some of us are.... But, we do spend much of our lives sitting on the throne hoping for a favorable outcome. We spend millions every year on toilet paper, bathroom cleaners and totty brushes....we should respect our poops, right? Shit makes the world go 'round.....
1.) Piddledy Poo. This little number takes about all day to finally complete, oozing out just enough to use up half a roll of toilet paper and leaving little poopy stains in the bowl each time it hits you. This little number could be put in a tube and sold as super glue.
2.) Bosco The Bear. This brown bomber will rip hair off your ass. It's been hibernating for awhile.
3.) Cramp-a-Damp. No, it's not poop. You wish it was. Just enough to leave a stain but, nothing really comes out.
4.)Fire Alarm. You just had to add the extra hot sauce, didn't you? This patriotic Mexican dish looks like their national flag and feels like someone shoved a firecracker up your ass. And lit it. Cinco de Mayo? More like Stink-O de Bayou....
5.) The Morgue Muffin. Quick, call the police. Something just died.
6.) Birthquake. You shake, you rattle, you roll....your eyes....If it does finally come out, notify the nearest disaster center.
7.) Picasso Poo. You just made a work of art.....all over the inside of the pot. Next time, avoid eating the kids cereal for breakfast.
8.) Butt Smacker. This one flies out at the speed of light with enough force to fly back up and drench you butt cheeks. Don't bother wiping....just hit the shower.
9.) Bugle Boy. Sure, you were sound asleep until this one decided to blow reveille at 5 in the morning. This one will definitely make you stand at attention. And run for the bathroom.
10.) Nuke 'em. You could donate this one to the government as a weapon of mass destruction. Anyone within a radius of one mile will have their nose hairs burned off.