It has always been my fervent hope that one day I would finally get a band together and rock the house. So....being the idiot grandpa stoner rocker that I am, I torture myself by showing up occasionally at an "Open Mic" night. This is supposed to help the bar drum up a little business. Uh....right.... I walk into the Oldest Tavern in Des Moines for the Wednesday night call to arms and am greeted by four rather large drunk women at the bar and some perky little bartender. OK...So I showed up early, you gotta sign up, right? No, just hang out. Uh...O....K......hmmmmmm..... The stage is pretty much empty. No drum kit but there is a PA. Wouldn't matter because the really drunk big girl has spent about ten bucks on a double shot of something pineapplely with a healthy dose of whatever that was and has spent double that on the auto jukebox. I can't hear myself think over Mettalica....followed by a litany of grunge and animal grunting sounds. That was the girl trying to sing along. I'm told that the guy who runs it is running late. So I hang around. 30 minutes late and as casual and laid back as hip can get, he finally arrives and starts setting up. The drummer had to work late and will be in later. So, I set up my gear and get tuned up. Finally at around 9pm, an hour late...he decides to get things rolling. Thank goodness for the built-in drum machine on my rig. Cheesy? Yes. Rockin'.....oh yeah. I think I kind of blew the kid off the stage. He tried to keep up....sort of. So yeah, I out-ranked him by forty years. What can I say. The drummer shows up with a single electric drum pad. It is sort of programmable. If you like cha-cha music. By 9:30 I was packing up my guitar and heading for the door. OMG...how lame can it get? I really should learn my lessons, stay away from Craigslist musicians, open mic nights and that guy that shows up and wants to know later if you'd give him lessons. I will say the bartender told me I was just "awesome, dude!" and one of big ladies wanted to buy me a drink. Oh yeah....that's the other lesson.....stay away from groupies.