The first thing you need to know is that Grandpa is a total pain in the ass. Second, he's in a nursing home and since he is such a pain, no one wants to visit with him. Sad, I know, but...he did it to himself. For years he has wasted tons of money on his get rich quick computer schemes and potions and pills that claim to cure everything from sock rash to heart attacks. If it's on the internet, he believes it. "OH, it's true alright, I read the testimonials on the internet." I think he spent about ten thousand dollars buying (and then trying to sell)Stem Enhance. Stem cells are a big deal to him. Of course, these pills full of blue algae from some spring fed lake in Arizona is reputed to cure everything under the sun. And of course, all he needs is a computer to make millions of dollars overnight. Actually, he was barred from using the computer at the nursing home after he got caught looking at porno. That's his other secret passion. That doesn't stop him from begging for a computer every chance he gets. For as long as anyone can recall, he's been claiming he's going to start his internet business and make tons of money and go back and travel Europe with his girlfriend Dixie (a nurse that visits him once a week and is NOT his girlfriend). At 82 he's not going anywhere. Granted, that nursing home has to be the most depressing place in the entire world, being a Medicare facility for those who can't afford a nice nursing home. But, he wants to manage his own money...(Uh Dad....After the home gets their's, you get 38 cents left...go for it, dude....)buy a car, travel the world and make millions on the internet. Ummmm hmmmmmm......right.
Well, then there's the wife. She feels bad this time of year, missing her mother and trying to do something for Dad to make his life a bit better. So, after buying an expensive Bible for him, a load of VCR tapes (his TV uses them), cookies, candies, and the like and then bundling him up to go to the family church service and a dinner afterwards. Well, the church service was hastily put together, the preacher seemed like he was on crack, bouncing around, hesitating, fumbling...let's just say that was my first and last time I will go to that particular church. The dinner, with Aunt Sandi in tow was OK...back to Fartkins Pancake House for a pig-out fest, the only place open on Christmas Eve. Food seems to be the answer. He actually was enjoying himself until he started in on how much he wanted to go back to England and visit all of his old friends (UH...Dad....most, if not all, are dead now..you out-lived them). Talk about a Dolly Downer....On and on he rambled until I had to excuse myself and take a smoke break outside in the cold. I'd rather suffer frostbite than have to listen to his crap. And the weed helps to cope, if you know what I mean. But, after getting him back to the home and then getting home ourselves, I had to reflect that it wasn't too bad. Not exactly what I would have chosen to do on Christmas Eve but....when you have in-laws, it sort of goes with the territory. Today we take it easy....eat all the wrong foods and be thankful for what we do have. Grandpa was actually looking forward to Christmas Bingo. Maybe he'll win and start his business after all.