Ah yes...2017. What hopes! What awaits? Ah....there is one thing for certain, we will deliver up a daily (sometimes) dose of the old and attempt to fill it back up so we can do it again. Pooping. Yep. 365 days of fondly awaited for trips to the toilet. We pay homage then to these welcomed friends.
1.)Noisemaker. This tweeter comes from far too much partying on New Year's Eve and can sound like the NBC Orchestra horn section tuning up. Just keep blowing until you feel the feather tickling.
2.)Party Hat Poop. Remember those Lucky Charms you had for breakfast after that new Year's Eve buffet the night before? Uh huh....marshmallow stars and moons all over that pile. It would be disgusting if it weren't so darn funny looking. (posting it on Facebook is NOT advised.)
3.)Yesteryear Out the Rear. This mandrake shaped withered up hunk could double as Harry Potter's Weeping Willow. If the arms start waving....flush quickly.
4.)New Baby Boo Boo. This squisher comes when that big ape who works in Accounting grabs you around the middle and hoists you in the air at midnight. Those bacon wrapped weinie dogs may have been a bad choice. And the two bottles of champagne.
5.)Future Fart. Not exactly a poop in the truest sense. Think of it as a preview of things to come. And you can forget it, the stain is permanent.
6.)Confetti Crap. You'll be cleaning this off the underside, the top, the back, the sides...The Tidy Bowl Man thinks he's the hero of a ticker tape parade.
7.)1040. This will pass only after taxing your ass to the point it's screaming for mercy.
8.)Martin Luther King fling. Be glad it only comes around once a year, doesn't require much preparations and passes quickly.
9.)Old Angstime. This slow moving stinker will bring a tear to your eye.
10.) Just Another Year Poop. This depressing mess will leave you wondering if life is really worth going forward with. Cases of toilet paper strangulation have occurred.