made an apple pie the other day at work the carer forgot to put it away and when i got in the next morning she showed me that the pie top had all been nibbled away ' mice' she says ' its not mice' says me' they crap everywhere, rats never crap where they feed as it stinks and tells predators where they are, we ll lay a trap tonight and see whats dining on my fine cuisine before we start to worry'... going by the look on her face that might be a bit late lol...... made another apple pie and extra pastry' right' says me ' before you go to bed tonight sprinkle some flour on the worktop and put the pastry in the middle, ' flour ?? ' says she ' yes, says me ' it ll give us a rough idea whats nibbling my pastry'....
Gets in the next morning and yep, the pastrys gone and there s rat.. big ones at that... tracks in the flour, conversation goes a bit like this
Me... yep, its a rat and a big one at that
Her.. what do we do now
Me... we set another trap and then we kill it............. i m a really baaaaaaaad person at times
Her.. WE DO.. HOW
Me... we lay a trail of crumbs... wait... then when it comes out...... we hit it on the head
Her.. with what ???
Me... the sweeping brush, trouble is we ve only got one
Her.. (rather bravely i thought considering) ohhh ok i ll use the mop
Me... we want to kill it, not wash it, its ok, the gardeners here today, we ll borrow a sledge hammer that ll work
ok by now i d had my fun and laughed and said ' its ok, i know a Ratcatcher he ll come sort it' ... ' ohhhh thank fk for that ( first time i ve heard her swear in nearly a week lol
Anyway on The Island Manx people are superstitious, especially about Rats and having to call a professional rodent killer and saying ' hey Mike, think we ve got a Longtail here' made me feel slightly ridiculous but as i say, Manx people are superstitious, you either call them Longtails or Joeys , he promised to call round in a couple hours, he turned up, agreed that it was a Rat we had and he d set some traps, it was either that or poison, ' not poison ' says me ' it ll curl up and die somewhere and stink the house up' he agreed and went for some traps
By now the carer is glad somethings happening and she does nt have to yield a mop, or worse, a sledgehammer to get rid of our unwanted visitor she s aking me are the traps humane ' ohh yes, wont feel a thing' says me Mike the Ratman comes back in and asks for cake,or something, now as the damn rat had gulped all the pastry i said we ve ginger cake, made it myself yesterday and i must say i do make a good ginger cake... sorted says he and sets the traps, we re stood there talking and the carer asks ' will the Rat make a noise when its caught' i stepped behind her and i m looking at him shaking my head and mouthing the word NO NO NO he either did nt see me or he relishes his job as a rodent exterminator and said ' ohh yes, it ll squeal loudly' he must ve seen the look on her face cos he replied quickly ' but only for about 10 seconds'
i was waiting for a phone call bout 2 in the morning from her saying she s head a scream lol
anyway that was a couple days ago Mike came in again today.. empty Rat traps he explained that either the Rat had been poisoned somewhere else or it had moved on
seeeee Rats do not like ginger cake.................. fussy bastard